Where are the shades of gray?

So, I'm asking... Where are the shades of gray? Is it really just black and white? Is there no in between?

Where am I going with this? This is where...

Of recent, I've been noticing a trend in male/female relations.
I always believed that the interactions between men and women spanned a continuum. On one end; let's call this black; the man viewing the woman as an object. A living, breathing, walking, talking 'bust-a-nut' aid. (Now, this is not to say that women don't objectify men; I'm perfectly aware of this but I'm speaking one sidedly.) On the other end; let's call this white; the man really trying to make the woman wifey.

Now, I always thought that between those two ends of the spectrum were shades of gray; areas in which men and women could relate on neither of those levels. A place where men and women could just enjoy each other's company; a place where men and women could be attracted to each other and even act on that attraction without it being the pursuit of the aforementioned object or wifey.

Apparently, I've been delusional. What I've noticed is that people tend to start off in the grey and move towards one end of the spectrum. So apparently the grey areas do exist; but people only remain there temporarily.

Just for fun, let's map out one of the paths through the spectrum that I've seen.
What the hell, let's call our characters Ken and Barbie.

So, Ken and Barbie meet each other. They're both thinking, "Hey, he/she seems cool and cute too. We can just hang out. No strings... just friends... I'm not looking for anything anyway"

Ken and Barbie, have fun together. They go out, they hang out in groups of friends, they can ask each other for favours and it's not a problem. They're friends. Cool, right?

Then here comes the migration...

As they get to know each other more and get more comfortable they start moving towards the white. Remember though, neither of them were looking for a relationship. They ignore that little fact anyway and move towards the wifey/boo area. Then they get to the lightest shade of grey and one of them; for our purposes, Ken; realizes... "wait a minute; I'm not trying to be in a relationship." But by this time they're already sleeping together and Barbie has already cognitively adjusted to the idea of a relationship with Ken.

So what happens?

They try to regain that nice balanced shade of grey they were at before. This however, has been complicated by the development of a more than platonic emotional connection that has been concretized by these fools having sex. So as they attempt to divorce themselves from any emotional connection to each other without divorcing themselves from the physical connection; they just keep stepping on down to black.

Now this wouldn't be an issue if the emotional divorce for both parties occurred equally. But the thing is, I've always seen it to be one sided.

Barbie keeps thinking "He's gonna come round soon" @Sara Bareilles and Ken keeps thinking "Phew, great we can be cool and I could still get pu$$y".

Then one day Barbie wakes up from her snooze and realizes that she's just Ken's f*ck toy now. That grey that they used to be at was apparently just a launch point to get to one of the extremes on that spectrum. Once you've migrated, that grey is gone.


So what's my point? I'm not sure I even have one anymore.

But here are just a few things I think are important for both men and women.

1. If you want a relationship; never give someone the benefits of a relationship if you're not in one.
2. If grey is what you want, don't migrate, because there is no turning back.
3. Be real with yourself, don't pretend you're cool with being objectified; if you aren't. (And yes, there are people that are fine with that; but it's usually mutual objectification)